what the hell

how do i say what cant be said, it will hurt your heart but it exhausts my head, im thinkin that i need to go, but the look in your eyes makes me think some more... to leave you would be murder, to stay would be my suicide. i gotta do whats best for me, use my head, throw my heart aside.. i just wanna live. i just wanna feel like myself again. be a little crazy, spark up whats remaining, before its too late, time cant be replaced, i dont wanna waste my life being half alive.

Self Bashing

Been needing to talk to someone for a while I suppose, busting at the seams at this point. Sometimes there just is not anyone to talk to that will understand. Sorry for the sadness. A friend passed away and I am a bit depressed. I cant believe I'm back here blogging again. That's when things are the worst, when I type to no one. Haha. I am in school now, doing good in that, looking for jobs, have a few offers now which is good. How is everyone out there? Does anyone read this? You know at the time I write poems I think they are so good, but then I look at them again and they make absolutely no sense. Welp laughing at myself makes me smile apparently. Maybe I did not need to talk to anyone. Self Bashing is my new form of therapy. I'm done for now. AHHHHHH. DEEP BREATH.